everything beautiful
“I shall make everything around me beautiful; that will be my life” — Elsie de Wolfe
When my oldest was a sophomore in high school, he was prompted with an essay question after a book they were reading: “Is money the key to happiness?” His answer of an unabashed “yes” honestly surprised me. On the surface, it seemed a materialistic side to argue, but when I dove deeper into his reasoning, I was pleased to see that he actually approached it from the practical side. His points were thoughtful and wise, whereas I, at his age, {conservative school, ironically surrounded by wealthy peers and taught to regurgitate} would have probably argued the opposite. Camel, needle’s eye. It was the same story always shared in Sunday school with total disregard for context or depth of meaning, anyway. The answer has always been a complicated one. He said that money affords one the opportunity to feel secure. The ability to pursue what you love. And, in turn, to actually give back and help others. Apparently, we’ve taught him to use his brain. Or he taught himself. Probably the latter.
::Pats self on back::
family photos by light by iris
His senior year, someone asked me at the pinnacle of his choosing a school and major, “Do we teach them to pursue their passions or money?” The question really took me by surprise. We should have already covered this, but it felt stripped down and over-simplified. Polarizing. We hadn’t considered it that way before, so inciting panic: Door no. 1 or door no. 2?! If chosen wrong, you’re swallowed whole by a fate worse than death itself: FAILURE. I couldn’t answer the question because I was so caught off guard at the time. Everything felt imminent and looming. But we found ourselves encountering these questions on college tours when considering their futures. And now someone was putting into a context that felt abrasive. I couldn’t be the only one feeling this way when thinking about the next step.
Sending our first to college, I found myself at a precipice. It not only opened a floodgate of emotions but also made me question a lot about their future and where I was in my own life and career. A mid-life crisis in the throes of perimenopause as my children are leaving– it’s been an absolute blast. I just left that white-knuckled rollercoaster of college visits and began this new life phase. {I’m still jumping through hoops.} Now, the next round of college visits has already begun with our middle child. We know that for her, we need to start a little earlier, in the spring of her Junior year. The ACT. The GPAs. The competitive bragging culture. The ANGST. Have we done it right? Will they figure it out? Can I take a nap?! I have always believed, from day one, that our education system and culture are broken. I refused to buy into a performance-based competition, living vicariously through my children. I don’t see them as an extension of me. They are their own people.
Every child is unique. Unfortunately, our education system has always been a one-size-fits-all approach. It’s a rigid one that works beautifully for the people that it needs to: med school students, accountants, etc. It’s a glorious experience for all if you have those children, and not so much if you don’t. A lot of people are just trying to usher their kiddos through these last few years of exhausting math and chemistry since they, indeed, are fish being asked to climb trees. They’ll be excellent at something else. They just haven’t had the opportunity to discover it yet. I feel for those kids. I was one of them.
Next, after surviving the horrors of high school, we’re tossing them right into the real world while they decide what they want to do for the rest of their lives. College is a time to explore; therefore, choosing a college {or path} in your senior year, based on what you want to do for the rest of your life, can feel daunting.
Y’all. It’s just not supposed to be that deep.
It wasn’t that complicated when we went; did I miss something? Yet I found this exact question {passion vs. money} coming up in different {sometimes less offensive} ways, for our own kids, over and over again. Parenting in itself has been a journey where everything is super amped in intensity each year. We’re leveling up in a video game, with higher stakes. We all got our first taste when we started discussing preschools and then kindergarten as our babies entered elementary school. No matter the chosen path in education, we’re all launched from a faulty system into a faulty world before our brains fully develop. Every avenue has its own set of pros and cons. Therefore, it can be tough, dare I say impossible, to make those life-long calls before they’re ready.
And we look around and wonder why everyone has anxiety.
I surveyed everyone on this question. At dinner. In coffee shops. Online. The results were genuinely eye-opening in terms of how people view the world. In all fairness, I think a lot of the wrong people were all too eager to answer. It ended up being more of a lifestyle survey on preferences. People can’t make a fully informed answer until they’ve been tasked with the burden of earning said money through time in an occupation that they do, indeed, love. Or at least thought they did and gave it a go. Or, if they’re willing to be honest about what they hate. Possessing the actual experience to be able to speak on the subject is a rarity. How many people really love their job? If you’re one of them, you’re lucky. It’s called a midlife crisis for a reason, and most adults in midlife are still grappling with the question of what their talent or love or passion… actually is. What they’re going to do with their time when their children leave the nest. {I do find ‘travel’ to be the default generic answer because it sounds good, if not aimless.} I get it. I find myself at a point in my own career, ready to pivot a little. So, the initial question… just led to more questions.
I think that the initial question from the original source came from a good place of not wanting their child to make costly mistakes. Everyone is struggling in their own way to figure it out. We’re not eighteen anymore. We’re forty/fifty-somethings with triumphs and regrets. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m just trying my best not to throw more baggage on my children.
As it turns out, the answer is really “yes, and.”
Let’s redefine success. Let’s change the wording of “passion” since that label comes with a lot of pressure. It’s on us to teach our children financial intelligence. Our flawed system is more obsessed with the subject of parallelograms than actually learning about filing taxes. {Let alone covering the topic of self-care or mental wellness. Can we enlist everyone in a class for SELF-awareness?!} I don’t want my kids to be happy so much as I want them to be able to cope, pivot, and problem-solve in a healthy way with whatever the world hurls at them. I can only hope we’ve taught them these really important skills when they find themselves learning to navigate life in college and beyond.
We’re small business owners. So, I’m coming at this question from a completely different angle than most. It hasn’t always been rainbows and butterflies. There have been equal parts blood, sweat, and tears, sometimes all on the same day. I’ve had to ask myself on the really bad days… is this worth it? It’s not a well-paved path, nor is it an easy one. {See: I would have made an ADORABLE trophy wife, and my talents have inevitably been wasted. ::languishes in rich::} But it also comes with its own set of infinite pros. Did I see my life panning out like this when I was eighteen with stars in my eyes? Nope. Would I want it any other way? Honest answer: I would probably make a few tweaks. {Wouldn’t most of us?} All in all, I’m never sorry for pursuing what I love and the peaks and valleys that came with this journey.
It’s a privilege to be able to pursue what you love, and that’s not lost on me.
on their way to preschool
touring colleges with her brother
At the end of the day, I’m a big believer in exploring and discovering. It’s a rebellion against the system. To our kids: It takes moxie to first figure it out and then cultivate and pursue your talents. Let alone be able to make a living out of it. {I think I defaulted to design because I hated math. So maybe I do have our flawed education system to thank?} No one should be shorted out of pursuing what they love. Sadly, it happens more often than we know in the name of money and practicality. A lot of us wake up one day and realize we’ve been living our lives for someone else. Maybe everyone but ourselves. I don’t think that’s the right message to send to our kids. I don’t think that’s how a person really ends up genuinely content.
In the end, it isn’t really the question we should be asking as we get ready to dispense some imparting wisdom to our fledglings. We must first define both words clearly. Seek security in diverse, innovative ways, and be wise with your monetary decisions. But also? Seize your opportunities. Take risks. It’s the only way you’ll learn, grow, and discover. Education continues far beyond the walls of academia. You may even {read: probably} shift directions well after college. And that’s perfectly okay.
“I shall make everything around me beautiful; that will be my life.” –When I saw this simple quote, it resonated with me. I’ve seen my share of ups and downs in this adventure of pursuing what I love. Elsie de Wolf is considered the mother of interior design. Though her father was a doctor who rubbed elbows in high society and earned a reasonable income for their family, he still had many debts. Elsie was a creative at heart who established her own career and wealth. It’s a simple quote, but it speaks to me about my own love in life. No matter what medium I choose to use.
We’re asking the wrong questions. It’s “yes, and.” It’s redefining success while learning to cope and pivot in healthy ways. Seeking what truly makes you happy has different meanings for everyone. You only have one “wild and precious life,” so don’t waste it pursuing what you think will bring you that happiness. And certainly not chasing what other people want you to. Does money enhance your life? Absolutely. I’d also be willing to wager that the wealth will follow when you discover and harvest your own talents, pairing them well with hard work. Go after what you love, and in that process, cultivate gratefulness for each day {because we didn’t even cover that}. It will not be the easiest path, but you certainly won’t regret it.
Here’s to “Yes, and.”
Here’s to guiding our kids. And here’s to everything beautiful, and discovery along the way.
